Jack is asleep and I'm having my morning coffee. It's 820am right now and we've been up since 6am, and 4am, and 1:30 I think it was? Regular night for me these days. It shows in my eyes. I look tired. I can't fix it. It's all worth it though, and I really don't complain. I just look over at him and I'm in la la land. He's still sick though. Going to call the doctor today and see what I need to do. Everyone giving me advice...sigh.

Jack gives more smiles now...real big grins when he sees me. Yesterday he gave me one right before I left for work and I almost began to cry. I felt guilty for leaving him. Not that my dad isn't the best guy in his life, but he still loves his momma best! I do think it's sweet when I look at him in his "papa's" recliner on dad's lap. He just lies there like a dude - all content like. He won't sit there with me like that.

His dad...sigh. Oh well. Nuff said. Tired of it all. Too tired to complain. I'm sure he's lovin that! Mom and dad offered to go to Palm Springs for their anniversary this weekend, I believe in an effort to get Jack's dad to see him. I told mom I wasn't up for it. Too soon...too raw. I don't think I could even drive through those surroundings right now. It would be a setback to my healing. If Jack's dad is going to see him, he's going to have to make the effort. He says it's money for gas...I can't help but wonder if money for gas will stop him on his annual summer vacation back to Sturgis. OH sheesh who am I kidding?

I have dreamt of his dad all week. I don't know why. Maybe the final break from him emotionally? I dunno. It's raw and I hate it. All the wrenching guttural feelings rising up to the surface...all the "issues".

Well Jack is waking up. Gotta run.