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Bobbie: Hello, I am 39 and 18wks along with no bf in sight mine also left but he did tell me he didn't want anymore he had one from someone else and wasn't ready for anymore and I was always told I couldn't have any and really never planned on having a baby. But once it happened I was happy I had been kind of thinking about what I would do and how it would change my life. In the process though or the same week I found out I lost a good job, and alomost became homeless, but a good friend and her husban
Jomoe: I'm 24 too. My first baby. Two months. Just found out my fiance is an addict. Now I'm a single mom. I'm happy to have a baby but sad I'll be delivering alone. I feel so stupid. I feel embarrassed.
used: Hi I'm 7 months pregnant, completely broke and my bf left me for another woman, they made me feel horrible, with lies, threats, and verbal abuse. I can't take it anymore, I even think about ending everything to stop all this suffering
sophia: Im 12 Weeks Pregnant And I Only See My Bf Once A Week I Feels So Lonely At Times. Im 20yrs. Old And Scared With No One 2 Talk With Sometimes What Should I Do. My Bf Doesnt Want 2 Talk About The Baby. He Ismad His Life Is Changing I Feel Like I Could Better By Myself.
Mey: Just stopping by. Hope you are ok
Jenn: Congrats on starting school, my friend! I am sooooo proud of you! Never give up on your dreams, you CAN and you WILL succeed! From this former single mom, current new mom....Happy Mother's Day!
Stephanie: Hi from one blogging mommy to another. :)
Shannon: Just stopping by to say Hello! I hope you are doing well and your little one is quite adorable!
Friendship : Do you enjoy playing games, doing polls and meeting new friends? Drop by and visit sometime!
Amanda: I am very scared of having a little boy all on my own. I am 24 and have almost finished my masters. It is still a scary thing and I hope that I can handle it as well as you have! Your baby boy is wonderful!
Ashley: Just out blog hopping. you have a beautiful little boy! Its exciting to see how quickly they do new things everday. Stop by my journal anytime.
Anne: have a great weekend
Anne: have a great weekend
Nathalie: T.G.I.F Stopping by to wish you an awesome weekend!
Anne: Just came by to say hi
Jenn: Congratulations on your beautiful and healthy baby boy! There is nothing like it! I am so glad the two of you are doing well....you are both in my thoughts and prayers!

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Monday, March 27th 2006

10:33 PM

Can You Say DELUSIONAL?

It's coming up on a year ago that I found out I was pregnant. At this very same time last year I had no clue what was about to happen to my life. I'm feeling a bit reminiscent. I'm going through papers while trying to do my taxes and going over those first and last few months of last year. Those receipts pulled up little goodbye memories....Ruby's Restaraunt $15.64 - Sunday breakfast with him. Annabella Resort Disneyland - a little getaway. Valentines Day at the Hilton in Del Mar. A trip to Target and M & M's...
 
It's a bitter pill to swallow. He doesn't want to get to know him. Even after seeing and holding his beautiful son. I don't get it. Will I ever? I doubt it. When I was pregnant I'd think about how he'd come around while I was pregnant, if I could only convince him...Then, when I was in the hospital waiting to give birth, I phoned him, hoping he'd come for the birth. Instead I heard a woman cough in the background. I asked him about his relationship with her. Was he with her?  "It's none of your business" he said. I cried in my hospital room, alone. Even so, I still held out hope he'd want to know his son after he was born. He arrived at the hospital the day after Jack was born. He stuck around for a couple of hours, posed for some obligatory photos, we hugged and played nice, then he left. I wanted him to stay the night with us. I STILL held on hope he'd want to be a father to his son. Delusional you might say? Now, after writing this at this very moment - I see and I agree. Up 'til now I've still wanted to keep him on the line, to not upset him, so he'd change his mind and want his son. He sends money on occasion, sends emails to him about "us". Sends little things in the mail, but makes excuses for not seeing him. He was always good at playing the thoughtful fun guy. Do I want him playing with my son? "No money" he says, yet I;, sure he has money and time to do other things. I'm very sure his financial situation won't stop him from going on his annual vacation.
 
 So, why do I try and pound it through my head? Why do I repeat these same things over and over again? Most likely cause I can't believe it. I can't believe this whole thing happened.  sometimes I look at my son in shock. Wow. What a big deal! He's here! I'm so glad he is.
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