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Bobbie: Hello, I am 39 and 18wks along with no bf in sight mine also left but he did tell me he didn't want anymore he had one from someone else and wasn't ready for anymore and I was always told I couldn't have any and really never planned on having a baby. But once it happened I was happy I had been kind of thinking about what I would do and how it would change my life. In the process though or the same week I found out I lost a good job, and alomost became homeless, but a good friend and her husban
Jomoe: I'm 24 too. My first baby. Two months. Just found out my fiance is an addict. Now I'm a single mom. I'm happy to have a baby but sad I'll be delivering alone. I feel so stupid. I feel embarrassed.
used: Hi I'm 7 months pregnant, completely broke and my bf left me for another woman, they made me feel horrible, with lies, threats, and verbal abuse. I can't take it anymore, I even think about ending everything to stop all this suffering
sophia: Im 12 Weeks Pregnant And I Only See My Bf Once A Week I Feels So Lonely At Times. Im 20yrs. Old And Scared With No One 2 Talk With Sometimes What Should I Do. My Bf Doesnt Want 2 Talk About The Baby. He Ismad His Life Is Changing I Feel Like I Could Better By Myself.
Mey: Just stopping by. Hope you are ok
Jenn: Congrats on starting school, my friend! I am sooooo proud of you! Never give up on your dreams, you CAN and you WILL succeed! From this former single mom, current new mom....Happy Mother's Day!
Stephanie: Hi from one blogging mommy to another. :)
Shannon: Just stopping by to say Hello! I hope you are doing well and your little one is quite adorable!
Friendship : Do you enjoy playing games, doing polls and meeting new friends? Drop by and visit sometime!
Amanda: I am very scared of having a little boy all on my own. I am 24 and have almost finished my masters. It is still a scary thing and I hope that I can handle it as well as you have! Your baby boy is wonderful!
Ashley: Just out blog hopping. you have a beautiful little boy! Its exciting to see how quickly they do new things everday. Stop by my journal anytime.
Anne: have a great weekend
Anne: have a great weekend
Nathalie: T.G.I.F Stopping by to wish you an awesome weekend!
Anne: Just came by to say hi
Jenn: Congratulations on your beautiful and healthy baby boy! There is nothing like it! I am so glad the two of you are doing well....you are both in my thoughts and prayers!

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Sunday, May 7th 2006

9:59 PM

Spinal Chord from Scratch

"Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground."
— Rumi
 
I start school this week. It's a dream that I'm finally living. I can't believe I'm making the plunge. No one seems too excited bout it but me. But that's ok. The work is still ahead of me. It's going to be pricey and I'm going to have to pay back student loans whether I finish or not, so there is my motivation-The finances and Jack of course. My financial plan was good and I'm not going to have to pay any cash out of pocket....I qualified for grants too. This school is ridiculously priced, but I won't have fuel expenses which could kill me if I was driving to university out of town. It's offering me what I need right now. It's convenient, it's offering the programs I need to get a real job. After doing the research I know it's the right thing to do at this point in my life.
 
My son has inspired me to do this. It's no longer just me. I want a better life for him. I've found an inner strength I didn't know I possessed.
 
 I'm full of quotes these days....
 
Once I had kids, my whole attitude changed. I was like, “You make a spinal cord from scratch and we’ll talk.”  Pat Benatar
 
Pat, who is one of my heroes, also said that even though her girlfriends without kids  and her feminist friends might disagree  , or may be slighted by her remarks, she says that after having a child you discover what being female is all about. The essence of female -To create life and to care for .... I couldn't agree more. You just get it. A light is switched on.
 
 
On another note. The one year anniversary is next week of my leaving Jack's dad. Although this past weekend was the bike event that was held a year ago that culminated the end of our relationship. She was on the committee with him...wondered why he didn't want me involved. Anyhow, that was the hardest thing=the anniversary of the event and that night I put it all together. The shirt I wore that night is still hanging in the closet. I'll bury it tommorow. That night and the anniversary of it kinda bore into me like this viscious worm. I'm glad this weekend is over, that the event is over and that I can move on. It's these "firsts" that have been gnawing at me and keeping me from moving forward. I am now able to kiss it goodbye and not look back and it feels good.
 
I got the best end of the whole ordeal - my son. I had no idea at this time last year that I'd have this wonderful human being lying in his crib next to me right now. Instead I demanded Volkswagen replace the windshield in my new car, cause I thought it was warped and making me nauseous!
 
I feel so much better now that it's passed. And yes, D, as you so thoughtfully remarked (cough) he brings me alot of joy. And no, it's none of your doing. He's here because I made a spinal cord from scratch. If you and your girlfriend had your way -he'd be in a bucket somewhere. He's beautiful, innocent and a true miracle. That's all I need to ever say about you or her again. I'm free of you and we're gonna be great without your help.
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