My little man and I had a wONDERFUL FIRST Thanksgiving. He has been banging n my keybard so the "O's " aren't wrking unless I hit REALLY hard. Sometimes the caplock wrks. Great... hehe

I had a final burial tday too. I went through my storage that I rent and found some items I need fOr winter. Along with those items I found a box of keepsakes I had of his father and I, emails etc. frm when we first started dating. I reread over some ofthem, made a few realizations, most ofthem eye openers abOut who he really was and who I was back then... then packed them up again. I'm ready to burn them tommrow. I'm going t do it with a friend. A witness of sorts ...I had such a hard time thinking of even doing that fr sme time. But I'm ready and it feels great. It's a sign that it's all in the past now and I can move on.  I think I'm almost ready to be civil to him again...

My little boy is asleep in my bed. Yes, I'm one of those co-sleepers..therefore I do not sleep. Neither does he. One of these days he'll make it into his crib, but for now I enjoy listening to him snore and his feet kicking me in the middle of the night. I like it when he lifts his head and looks around for me, then lays it down and scoots his little rear into the air and falls back to sleep.

He'll be nine months old next week. Time flies. I'm getting the hang of being momma, but everytime I think I've got it down, something new comes up. Tis life!

Jack and I are doing fine with the help of my family. His dad is paying some support. Not much, but it's something. At least we aren't in court battling it out. I just want to enjoy my boy and if his dad decides to disappear altogether, that's ok too. 

It's been a long road and I'm ready to say goodbye to the past and get on with it. The message board is going to continue for my friends and for the new women who are needing somewhere to go for support and vent. I will be able to visit and add my input from a different perspective eventually. Right now I'm in transition and I've been aloof. I hope that my friends there understand! I still care, but I need to focus on some other aspects of the process.

My life is filled with opportunity for growth now. I'm in a new phase and I'm excited about the future. I am still too sensitive for my own good, but it will help me on the path I'm on.

Anger still rears it's head and I've been told by a male friend that I visit with, that it's a good thing. Anger is good, because it's pushing me into the next level. Believe me, anger has been with me the whole time, but now I'm "just" angry.

I've met a good friend through this journal and we visit eachother now and then. Her daughter is just a coupla weeks older than Jackson. It's been nice to have her as a friend and we have a great time together. She's one of those annoyingly beautiful, thin women that can make Carmen Electra feel like a toad!

Anyhow, here is the latest photo of me and Jackson on a recent trip with my buddy and her daughter

 

Jack is asleep. He had shots today. Two of em. He's doing pretty good though. Better than me. When he cried I got upset. I know it's what kids do, but that needle was as long as the center of his thigh was meaty. I wouldn't want a  needle that long going into my leg. I wanted the bitch slap the nurse.

I'm feeling good about the future. School starts back on Monday, so I'm trying to gear up for the load.

 

 

 

My baby has a toofer. It's a little bud on the bottom and it's as sharp as puppy teeth. After I took him to the sitter last week, it's like he's all grown up now! He is sitting up unassisted and he scoots, he got a tooth and he says "hi". D

Daycare is gonna hurt the budget, but it is nice to know I'm paying someone to take care of him and I don't have to rush right home to relieve my parents. It's not their responsiblity. I know they love him, but their time is important too. He seems to like his sitter and it's so convenient. She's a wonderful woman and this morning when I dropped him off he leaned for her when she put her arms out. That made me feel better. He's there right now. I'm taking a moment to clean and catch up on internet business stuff.

School is finished for the quarter and I got A's in both classes. Information Design was very interesting and should help me in my career. I had no idea all of these things went into the formal creation of multimedia products. I guess school does come in handy for some things! I went in thinkin I'd learn a bit more about programming, but I had no idea I'd learn some things I can apply to everyday life - Business Proposals being one of them. Wish I'd known years back. Yes, I know that you dont want to read about this. So, I'll sum it up that school is going well and I'm smarter for it! LOL Imagine that? Me, smarter? I didn't think I could be any smarter! I start back in two weeks and it's slam time again.

Well, I need to do laundry and catch up on some things. The psychic said I'd be moving soon and to keep busy with my creative abilities and I'll be successful! So, I need to get to work! Not that I believe in all that psylly psychic stuff....but it was entertaining!

The movie is going well and I'm going to do it again this weekend. The producer asked us to do his other films. This is awesome~ It's only 3 per year, averaging, but it could lead to something else.

 

 

Get out the popcorn. I'm going to do hair for a movie again. An independent film. A friend from Palm Springs is filming it and I'm going to help out. Jack will be on set, cause I don't have a sitter, but it will be something to put in his baby book! Looking forward to it. Doing the first phase this coming weekend. They need bikers. I have a few friends I'll contact. I'm going to play a bartender. I'll get to ride up on a chopper. They need strippers too. Going to have my cuz do it. No nudity needed. Maybe just some pole dancing and she can do that like no ones business...haha.

He is sitting up now on his own and he's such the man. Tommorow he starts daycare. First time. Mommy is upset, but I'm sure he'll be fine. It's expensive and this is when being a single mom with no help starts getting tight. THat's ok. Down the road we're gonna do excellent. I'll hire a nanny and have him with me all the time!

 

School is busy, but I'm starting a new quarter in two weeks. Completing this one and I aced it. I'm looking forward to learning Flash again. I've already learned a few new things. Hope to get the hell out of here as soon as this school is over with. Thinkin bout Colorado or Wyoming. Who knows...